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Dammit  
01:28pm 19/08/2010
 
 
M
I'm used to my dreams being vivid but this one was especially so. I drempt that I won the lottery with 5 other people from work. We worked in some obscure building doing some obscure task. That's when the dream started going wrong. We had to lie about what we were doing at work to go to collect the lottery winnings and used our finger prints to get into this dirty parking garage to wait to be seen. Meanwhile on a TV in that dirty garage (I spent some time looking for my car and couldn't find it) the news said that the world went to hell with riots, murders and a military police state. The guy who played Spock had a cult of followers who were murdering anyone who looked elderly including this poor guy who said he was a musician. The dream cut to my home where I was watching the news and continued crappiness of the world including Spock and realized my sister was really young and was trying to wake up Alan who was sleeping on the couch.

Then I drempt that the date was July 13th, 1999. I wondered if my Grandpa was still alive but realized no... he was still dead by July 13th, 1999.

So I woke up and felt absolutely miserable because I was unable to remember what happened on July 13th 1999. I've been feeling sad about my past lately.

Then I remembered that July 12th, 1999 was the day I moved out of my parents house. It was the day that I chose not to go for my class 5 licence and the reason why I have to go for a second test to get my class 5 (full) licence tomorrow instead of having it back two years ago. (They introduced the new driver program with the re-test in about the year 2001.)

Furthermore July 12th, 1999 was when I moved in with the man who ended up molesting me (his family lived there too but it was only the husband who did it), and the rest of the crappiness that comes with adult life. In fact my adult life could have been said to have begun on July 13th, 1999.

So here I am and I wondered how much was different than where I was 11 years ago, and realized that I'm just older, living in crappy situations with people I don't like but now with the added bonus of 45k in debt. Then I felt really *really* miserable and angry at my subconscious to boot.

TL;DR - My brain hates me. I'm going for a walk.
 
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 bunnynumber13
 
11:16pm 19/08/2010 (UTC)
 
 
Raina: Aww!
*hugs* You know I still love ya no matter what's happening/happened, right? :)

I've had extremely disturbing dreams before myself so I know how it is. I don't attach any particular significance to them since they're just all of the memories I've ever had about anything and everything. But, man, some of the combinations my brain can come up with.... *shudders*
picword: Aww!
 
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 spacefille
 
07:31am 20/08/2010 (UTC)
 
 
M
*hugs you back* I love ya too Raina.

And yeah, aren't dreams fun?
 
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 nathan_ashoka
 
07:58pm 20/08/2010 (UTC)
 
 
Nathan Ashoka

Hopefully this is enough time that this won't be callous, but I think it sounds healthy. When your brain is reflecting that you're unhappy, I think it says that unhappiness is no longer the base state that goes ignored; its a low state that you can move away from.

I'm sorry it hurts so much though. Self realisation sucks profoundly in its experience. *hugs*
 
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 nekosei
 
04:27pm 21/08/2010 (UTC)
 
 
NEKOSEI
Wow... okay, this totally blows away the Facebook version you posted...

That's certainly a pretty odd way of telling you "this is when you grew up" by your mind...
 
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